I was dating this girl, well. Seeing her. She came over once, and suggested we kill zombies together. I was pretty stoked at this.

Happy with my potential haul, the night wears on.

Fast forward 3 days. I go to her place, supposed to leave at a certain time and whatnot, and we start making out, and that turns into her going down on me. I’m thinking. Wow. This is awesome. After… things finish up, she comes up and lays next to me, and I (who’d wanted to ask her out since she suggested zombie killing) ask her out. She gets the most amazed look on her face and squeals with delight.

Then and there, my pants still a heap on the floor, her hands still.. exploring.. tells me that she has HPV (Human Papiloma Virus) and that she doesn’t remember who she got it from, it could be herpes instead and, also that she’s gotten so good at giving head because of the small army of men she’s blown.

Dealbreaker + Doctors office.

My friend is currently online dating. She had a really bad breakup and decided to try for one of those online sites Cupid something or other. She went out on a date with this cute guy, things were clicking and all was going well. She went back to his place and they started fooling around. They were practically naked when he suddenly stopped and said, “Just so you know, I’m a virgin.” WTF?! Deal breaker!!! Needless to say, she didn’t want her rebound one-night stand to be taking someone’s virginity so she gave him a quick sympathy BJ and split. Then he wound up stalking her. Seriously, though. Why would anyone (a dude, no less) who is about to get boned for the first time admit that its his first time?! He totally cock blocked himself. Dealbreaker.