I was on a first date with a guy on a Saturday night. While we were trying to pick out a movie time, I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to a late show because I had church in the morning. His response to this? “Oh. The last time I was in a church I was fucking my ex-girlfriend in the ass on the altar. She was a minister’s daughter.” Now, I’m not uber-religious, but ass-fucking on an altar just seems like taking it a bit too far. Dealbreaker.
Archive for category Bad Sex
The Minister’s Daughter
Jun 19
The Heart Condition
Jun 18
So I had sex with this kid for the first time. It was kind of awkward but I thought maybe that was cause it was our first time together. The next day he called to let me know that he has a heart condition and the sex got him so excited, he had to go to the hospital. Dealbreaker.
The Redheaded Slut Vibe
Jun 18
I was on a second date with a guy, and we had just started to kiss and make out. Without any warning at all, the guy stuffs his entire hand into my bra and starts to grope my breast. I pull back and tell him that I’m not quite ready to get that physical, as it’s only our second date (and this was in high school so I was still a virgin). The guy seems taken aback and then, sort of sadly, said, “Damn…I thought you had this awesome slutty redhead vibe.” To which my reply is, “Do you really think it’s a good idea to refer to me as a slut when you’re trying to get some? Has that ever worked?” Dealbreaker.