One evening while having passionate romance I noticed she gave a little grunt. I wondered what that was about. When the love making was complete, I looked down on the bed to see to see a golden colored Baby Ruth-sized turd complete with corn. Dealbreaker

So this woman named Monica sends me a message on Facebook saying that I’m cute and wants to be friends with me. I accept her friend request and she looked decent in her pictures. After talking and getting to know each other, we decide to meet up in person. Turns out when I meet her, she definitely was not as attractive as she looked in her pictures. It also turns out that, to put this in the nicest way possible, horny. All she want to do with me was makeout, even in front of little kids, she didn’t care. I like showing affection and I’m a cuddlebug, but there’s no way I’m giving her the PDA that she wanted, especially when not only is she disrespecting me and forcing herself on me, but I’m not physically attracted to her.

Also, she said she quit smoking but I can clearly taste the traces of cigarettes when she made out with me, gross. She was also extremely hyper to the point where I was embarrassed and she was very immature (I was only 22 at the time and she was 29, I thought women were supposed to be more mature than men?). Furthermore, she starts scaring me by saying that we should go away somewhere together where no one can reach us. To top it off, she makes rumors about people, including myself, telling people I know that she broke up with me when in fact we were never in a relationship and I was the one who stopped talking to her. Too many dealbreakers here. That was my worst dating experience ever and I definitely learned my lesson. Dealbreakers.

I was dating this girl, well. Seeing her. She came over once, and suggested we kill zombies together. I was pretty stoked at this.

Happy with my potential haul, the night wears on.

Fast forward 3 days. I go to her place, supposed to leave at a certain time and whatnot, and we start making out, and that turns into her going down on me. I’m thinking. Wow. This is awesome. After… things finish up, she comes up and lays next to me, and I (who’d wanted to ask her out since she suggested zombie killing) ask her out. She gets the most amazed look on her face and squeals with delight.

Then and there, my pants still a heap on the floor, her hands still.. exploring.. tells me that she has HPV (Human Papiloma Virus) and that she doesn’t remember who she got it from, it could be herpes instead and, also that she’s gotten so good at giving head because of the small army of men she’s blown.

Dealbreaker + Doctors office.

My ex-girlfriend was great. Girl-next-door type, similar interests, could totally see a relationship lasting. Couple months into us dating, I drop her off at home where she lives with mom and dad. We think everyone is in bed, and we are making out in her hallway like we did at the end of every night when we notice her mom in the living room next to us watching us in the dark. Turns out she had done this before, and my girlfriend knew she would watch us. Dealbreaker.

When I was 16, I dated a girl who happened to be very Christian. I happen to be an Atheist. This wasn’t even the bad part. After about four months of dating, we were at my house. We began making out furiously. After a while, the making out turned to dry-humping. No big deal, right? That’s what I though. After we’d stopped, she bolted up, looking horrified. She then took it upon herself to explain, in great detail, how dry-humping is disappointing God, and that she feels that God leaves her side when she misbehaves. I spend the next 20 minutes holding her while she sobbed hysterically. The next week I found out that she’d cheated on me. Twice.
Double dealbreaker.

So I was dating this girl in college, and decided to tell her that I was still friends with my ex, even though I knew she still liked me. That didn’t bother her, so it was great. But that got her to talk about her ex… she said how after less than one year of dating in her senior year of high school they talked about marriage and he actually said something about an engagement ring (mind you, I dated my ex for almost 3 years and SHE was the one who didn’t want to get married). Anyway, the girl said she took him seriously and was very disappointed to find out he had sex, in public, with a complete stranger at night in a park. And when I proceeded to call him a jerk and how he didn’t actually mean what he said about marriage she got all pissy and told me to ‘never call him a jerk- you don’t know him!’. But ma’am, I know any guy who cheats on his girlfriend is a jerk. Dealbreaker.

My friend was waiting for her date to show up. He pulls up in a car, on the passenger side. Driving the car is a woman. My friends asks who the woman is. It’s his ex-wife –- it turns out they still live in the same house and share the car. Since he was planning on having a few drinks on his date, he asked his ex-wife to drive him in their shared car from their shared residence to his date. Dealbreaker.

If the girl I am with is rude to service industry people ie: drive-thru clerks, servers, bartenders… if they are, I quietly exit stage left. I dislike people who think that they are entitled. Dealbreaker.

I was on a first date with a guy on a Saturday night. While we were trying to pick out a movie time, I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to a late show because I had church in the morning. His response to this? “Oh. The last time I was in a church I was fucking my ex-girlfriend in the ass on the altar. She was a minister’s daughter.” Now, I’m not uber-religious, but ass-fucking on an altar just seems like taking it a bit too far. Dealbreaker.

I was dating a girl for just over 2 weeks when she stayed the night over at my place. I was starting to fall asleep when she told me to wake up. She looked me straight in the eye and told me not to break her heart. I didn’t sleep that night. Dealbreaker