We have arranged to go hiking, I show up at his place so he can drive us. I get in his car and see he has gauges that indicate he’s tricked out the engine. I ask him about it, he talks a little about it, then guns his engine up to 70MPH in a 35 zone. We get out onto the highway and he drives normally until anyone else with a nice car, or someone who wants to go faster than the speed limit comes near, and then he’s all gunning and swerving and breaking. He has the music turned up so loud I can hardly hear myself think much less have a conversation. I still try to ask him questions, he answers briefly and then drops the conversation.

We arrive and we start to climb, and I realize I’m in over my head about half-way up. We stop to rest, and he runs up ahead and waits for me to catch up. This happens about 4 times before we reach the top. The conversation continues to be one-sided. On the way back down he starts spitting and shooting snot-rockets to the side of the trail. Then there’s evidently some dude who’s got his shirt off, so he declares he has to compete and takes his off too. At this point I’m so turned off I don’t even look at him. He asks me who looks better.
“Of you and me?”
“Me and the guy with his shirt off.”
“I honestly didn’t even see him.”
We get back to the bottom, he asks if we can go eat grasshoppers at a local sushi restaurant. Yeah, sure, but you need to let me get my car first. So we head back and the driving gets 10x more showy and I’m no longer able to suppress the urge to scream or crawl out of my skin. I’m nearly in tears at this point, and when I get out to get in my car, I’m shaking so bad I can barely operate the keys. I fiddle with the radio for long enough to calm down a bit, then lead him out. We get to the sushi restaurant, he declares that he has $6 to his name and will get 2 grasshoppers. I order one for myself. He decides I should eat the small one. So many dealbreakers.

Let’s make this short and sweet. I dated this guy for a while. He told me that at work sometimes, when he doesn’t have money to eat, he digs in the trash can, and eats peoples’ leftovers. DEALBREAKER.

When I was in high school I started hanging out with a guy who had already graduated. It started out casually enough–we’d watch movies and make out but I was seeing other people too. One afternoon we were watching The Butterfly Effect (not exactly a sexy movie) and started making out. He was dry humping me for about 5 minutes…and ended up jizzing in his pants. The best part? I wouldn’t have even noticed (it was dark) except he pointed it out to me like he was proud of it. Dealbreaker.

So this woman named Monica sends me a message on Facebook saying that I’m cute and wants to be friends with me. I accept her friend request and she looked decent in her pictures. After talking and getting to know each other, we decide to meet up in person. Turns out when I meet her, she definitely was not as attractive as she looked in her pictures. It also turns out that, to put this in the nicest way possible, horny. All she want to do with me was makeout, even in front of little kids, she didn’t care. I like showing affection and I’m a cuddlebug, but there’s no way I’m giving her the PDA that she wanted, especially when not only is she disrespecting me and forcing herself on me, but I’m not physically attracted to her.

Also, she said she quit smoking but I can clearly taste the traces of cigarettes when she made out with me, gross. She was also extremely hyper to the point where I was embarrassed and she was very immature (I was only 22 at the time and she was 29, I thought women were supposed to be more mature than men?). Furthermore, she starts scaring me by saying that we should go away somewhere together where no one can reach us. To top it off, she makes rumors about people, including myself, telling people I know that she broke up with me when in fact we were never in a relationship and I was the one who stopped talking to her. Too many dealbreakers here. That was my worst dating experience ever and I definitely learned my lesson. Dealbreakers.