Back in the day when MySpace first started, I thought it was a cool way to meet new people. One guy messaged me a lot and then we started talking on the phone. After a few calls we agreed to meet up for drinks. I picked a place where I knew the bartender to be safe. He showed up late and apologized, saying that his stomach had been bothering him all day long. TMI. When I asked him what he liked to watch on TV he gave me a summary of his favorite show of all time, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. These paired with the fact that he lived with his parents because he had a massive amount of credit card debt, didn’t have a car, and didn’t offer to buy me a drink were all dealbreakers.
Archive for April, 2010
The Bad MySpace Blind Date
Apr 15
The Slippery Suitor
Apr 11
I went on a first date with this kid I knew, that I wasn’t totally into, but he was a nice kid and decided to give him a chance. He tried holding my hand, and I tried to kind of slip out of it. This happened twice more, and he grabbed my hand and held it in a vice-grip with a stupid grin on his face and says “Slippery aren’tcha?” As if that wasn’t bad enough, he then called me the next morning to tell me that I was so hot that just holding my hand gave him a massive hard-on. Uh, yeah. Forced hand-holding, and hand-holding boners? Dealbreakers.
The Bad Internet Date
Apr 4
I went on a first date with a guy I meant on the internet. He was amiable, had a good phone voice, and his picture wasn’t terrible.
I get to the movie theater, he informs me he doesn’t have enough cash to buy two tickets right as I go up to the ticket booth (after he bought his). His picture was incredibly misleading; I didn’t even make the connections between the two. He made a motion for my hand to be on his cock right after he made a grab for my tits. Afterwards, as we walked around the mall, he kept on patronizing on how “gosh darned pretty” I was, and how smart and awesome I was. I tried to salvage the last bit of the date while sitting in his car, but he insisted on staring in my eyes awkwardly as Bush’s Glycerine played. The last straw was when I looked down, and in addition to his “chain jewerly” he had on black vans with socks pulled up. Dealbreakers.