Dating Dealbreakers

What's Your Dealbreaker?

Archive for March, 2010

The Zombie Killer

Mar 29

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | No Comments

I was dating this girl, well. Seeing her. She came over once, and suggested we kill zombies together. I was pretty stoked at this.

Happy with my potential haul, the night wears on.

Fast forward 3 days. I go to her place, supposed to leave at a certain time and whatnot, and we start making out, and that turns into her going down on me. I’m thinking. Wow. This is awesome. After… things finish up, she comes up and lays next to me, and I (who’d wanted to ask her out since she suggested zombie killing) ask her out. She gets the most amazed look on her face and squeals with delight.

Then and there, my pants still a heap on the floor, her hands still.. exploring.. tells me that she has HPV (Human Papiloma Virus) and that she doesn’t remember who she got it from, it could be herpes instead and, also that she’s gotten so good at giving head because of the small army of men she’s blown.

Dealbreaker + Doctors office.

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The Watcher on the Couch

Mar 26

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | 111 Comments

My ex-girlfriend was great. Girl-next-door type, similar interests, could totally see a relationship lasting. Couple months into us dating, I drop her off at home where she lives with mom and dad. We think everyone is in bed, and we are making out in her hallway like we did at the end of every night when we notice her mom in the living room next to us watching us in the dark. Turns out she had done this before, and my girlfriend knew she would watch us. Dealbreaker.

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The Big Surprise

Mar 19

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | No Comments

My ex-boyfriend used to take a shit in the toilet, shave his beard on top of it, and not flush. He said that he was leaving a surprise for me. Dealbreaker.

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The Gas Man

Mar 18

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | 102 Comments

My ex-boyfriend brewed his own beer. Don’t get me wrong – for the most part it was great. Except that when he drank too much of it (which was frequently) it made him incredibly gassy. One night I woke up at about 4 AM gagging on a rotten egg stench so thick and foul I could actually taste it in the back of my mouth. So I got up and, recognizing that he wasn’t exactly stinking me out of the bedroom on purpose, went downstairs to sleep on the couch. He woke me up 3 hours later wondering why I wasn’t in bed, and when I explained, he got offended that I would leave the bedroom in the middle of the night. Hellishly foul farts? Not necessarily a deal breaker. Getting angry at your girlfriend because your farts force her out of her own bed? Dealbreaker.

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The Boob Man

Mar 17

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | 62 Comments

I was dating this guy for a few weeks and I asked him why things didn’t work out with his ex-girlfriend. He told me that he wasn’t attracted to her. They dated for two years, so I thought maybe their personalities were clashing. He tells me “She had small boobs”. Wait, it gets better. Then he tells me, “She also had a burn on her chest from a childhood accident and I wasn’t into the whole burn thing.” He said it like it was a bad haircut or something. Dealbreaker.

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The Quick to Anger Guy

Mar 17

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | 49 Comments

A few days after talking to this guy online I told him I thought we should be friends..he lived 3 hours away and I just didn’t see how dating would work. He had just ended a 5 year relationship anyways, so I didn’t see the harm. He not only got totally offended, but a week later I got an IM from him telling me that I sucked, that I should “Eat Shit” and that I had an IQ of 6. He also said he had been seething about it for a week, and that he couldn’t care less what I did or said to him because he had no problem getting women…Well then why waste a week getting mad at me, and then end up flying off the handle like an emotional basket case? TOTAL dealbreaker…and I didn’t even meet the guy…THANK GOD! Can we say psycho?

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The Big Banana

Mar 16

Posted by ddb in Worst Dates | No Comments

I am in my early 40s. I dated a guy for a few weeks and the second time we had sex he had on a pair of Joe Boxer shorts that said “The Big Banana” on them. He told me his mother had gotten them for him! Total dealbreaker.

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